I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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