What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
