Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
