From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
