I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
