I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
