Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
