Just fell off a train. Bad.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I should be sponsored by Trojan
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
