He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
