I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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