So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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