he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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