Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
