would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
