Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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