The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
bring money and cleavage
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
