Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
