My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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