im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.