So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.