What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.