mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.