Your tits are I can't wait for
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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