I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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