this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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