It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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