My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
