OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
