Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
