I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
