Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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