You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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