so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
