this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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