is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
