he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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