woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
