If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
