my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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