no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
