Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
