Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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