I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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