I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
