She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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