I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
