The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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