Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize