It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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