Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
