Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
