Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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