my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm always down for nudity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
