she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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