Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize