If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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