He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
