My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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